Thursday, August 9, 2012

Leaving and Coming Home

In an attempt to fully close out this tumultuous time in my life, this is my attempt to list what I will and will not miss about living in community. It has been, by far, the most exhilarating, exhausting, wounding, and growing time in my life. And the past weeks have shown that I am being called to something new that is unfolding and challenging my notions of what it means to be "in community." In order to honor where I have been and where I find myself headed, I figured I'd do what I always do, and make lists.

What I will miss about living in Open Hands:
  • The people (this one is just a given. It's been amazing to be able to share life with so many different people and learn a little from each of them).
  • Living next door to a school. Even though it meant less sleep, I never truly lost my fondness for hearing the kiddos start school at 7 every morning. Plus it was a nice built-in alarm.
  • Layton's singing.
  • The enclosed patio, which has such a lovely view and is the perfect place to overhear weddings, funerals, and Masses.
  • Molly, the Rectory Dog.
  • Being seconds away from Mass.
  • The many St. Gert's connections I've grown.
  • Seeing people I know whenever I walk down the street (though I am hopeful this will be true in my new place, too).
  • The low, low, low rent, which made life in grad school economically possible.
  • What it meant to commit to a new experiment in living. 
Despite all that challenged me, I don't think I'd make a different decision.
What I will NOT miss:
  • Bedbugs. Obviously. Let's pray I am leaving them ALL behind.
  • ALL the bugs in this place. Since I've been paranoid this month about bugs (see above), I've counted over 12 totally different varieties of bugs in this place.
  • The kitchen, which never stays clean.
  • The guilt of not being able to provide for everyone who comes looking to the church for help
  • The doorbell, which is always ringing and never for me.
  •  The bathroom, which never stays clean.
  • The chapel, which has ALWAYS creeped me out.
  • Doing lockup at night.
  • Not having adjustable water temperatures.
  • The very confusing mail situation.
  • Having both too much and too little space, which scarcely seems possible but is.
  • The fact that I was unaware, until he was gone, how much Miles did for us.
  • The many ways that I was dishonest about this experiment and my role in it.
  • Limiting my notion of community to just one place.
  • My dark room.
  • Always feeling temporary here but never wanting to admit it.
  • The many opportunities I lost to be myself
As I go into this new chapter of flying solo, I hope to continue creating community, albeit in new ways, and continue my personal focus on the pillars of Open Hands which have helped me these past two years. Your prayers are, of course, appreciated.